The Constant Heart
by The Cheshire Cheese
Summary: Janeway's lonely Valentine's Day is interrupted by an unexpected visit. Lady Q offers to show Janeway how her life might have gone if she'd chosen various partners. Janeway sifts through the possibilities, trying to decide who her one true love is meant to be. Chakotay? Tom Paris? Seven of Nine? Q? Mark? Jaffin? It turns out that true love might be hiding right in plain sight...
1. An Unexpected Visit

**A/N: This is my take on the various parings that people subject Kathryn Janeway to. **

**I don't own "Star Trek: Voyager."**

* * *

The first time Neelix had organized a Valentine's Day party on Voyager, Janeway had been painfully reminded of the fiancé she'd left behind, and skipped out on the party to mope in her quarters. The second year, she'd considered asking Chakotay out, only to have the celebration rudely interrupted by Vidiians who literally wanted to steal everyone's hearts that Valentine's Day (har, har). The third year, she'd munched Neelix's pink Valentine's cake, wondering if she should reconsider Q's offer to become his mate. Year number for, she had admired the silver catsuited body of her new pupil as she led Seven of Nine through the party, forcing her to make conversation with people. That was the first time since the academy that Janeway had considered lesbianism. (Certainly, a woman would be less emotional and bitchy than Chakotay, and less of a headache than Q.) The fifth year, she fantasized about inviting both Seven and Chakotay into her bubble bath for a three-way. The sixth year, she'd simply stayed in her quarters sipping coffee and reading erotic fanfiction.

Now, on Valentine's Day #7, Janeway was at a loss.

Everyone was paired with someone, it seemed. Tom and B'Elanna were married and expecting a new little hybrid. Tuvok's wife was with him in spirit. Neelix sat in his galley next to an inflatable blow-up doll of Kes that he'd replicated (despite everyone's protests of how creepy it was). Harry Kim pranced around with his latest beautiful, not-a-deadly-backstabbing-traitor-in-disguise, girlfriend, a blue-skinned alien woman in a gold dress that left little to the imagination. And what was this…Chakotay walked into the mess hall, with…_Seven_?...hooked around his arm.

Come to think of it, the Doctor didn't have anybody either. But that was no surprise; he was bald.

Janeway sipped her coffee slowly, wondering exactly what it was she wanted. What was she jealous of, exactly? She didn't particularly want Chakotay, or Tom, or anyone else on her ship (did she?). She didn't even want a relationship. If she did, she could simply crack her whip and order whichever boy toy she wanted into her bubble bath. She was the captain. Yet she hadn't. Maybe she was just bored, and jealous that these other people had something to _do_ on this holiday.

"Would you like a slice Captain?" Neelix offered Janeway a slice of pink cake. "Oh, what was that Sweetest?" he smiled affectionately at his inflatable Kes. "Ah. Kes says I should offer you some of my special Valentine's Day coffee blend!"

"That's quite alright Neelix, I've already got a cup—"

"No, no! I insist Captain!"

Janeway sighed and closed her eyes, as Voyager's resident kitchen rodent hustled into the back to pour her some of his blend. Actually, she had to admit it looked pretty interesting, pouring out in a dark reddish-pink hue. Janeway graciously accepted the coffee.

"Thank you Neelix. Happy Valentine's Day."

"Oh we plan to!" Neelix giggled, and gave his balloon Kes a peck on the cheek.

Janeway quickly turned away, making a face.

She took a long sip of the coffee. It was good stuff, she had to admit. A rich blend of black velvet coffee with a mix of red velvet cupcake, was what it tasted like. She slowly opened her eyes, gazing down at the dark red blend in the cup, then gasped and jumped. A woman's face was reflected in the coffee, but not her own.

"I always hated this gratuitous holiday," the woman said, her voice echoing as if it really were resonating from inside the coffee cup.

What the _hell_ did Neelix put in this coffee?

"Valentine's Day." This time, the woman's voice was clear, and came from behind Janeway.

She spun around to find the woman standing behind her. The woman stood with her arms folded in a red Starfleet uniform, long brown hair hanging in ringlets over her shoulders.

"Why do I know you?" Janeway asked quietly.

"Oh please." The woman gave her long brunette ringlets a shake. "I know it's been a while, and I only showed up for one episode, but don't tell me you've forgotten Lady Q so quickly?"

The awe on Janeway's face immediately vanished. "Oh, that's all I needed today, a _Q_. Is your husband going to drop by too?"

"_Ex_-husband. And no." Lady Q unfolded her arms. "I was just wondering who you planned on spending Valentine's Day with this year, Kathryn."

"It looks like most everyone's taken."

"Well that can be fixed, can't it? You're the captain after all."

Janeway rolled her eyes. "I don't think I even want half the blokes on this ship. God knows what kind of a mess I might—" She looked slowly at Lady Q. "Now just a minute…_You're_ a bit like a god, aren't you?"

Lady Q dipped her head in agreement.

"So why don't you pull that old 'It's a Wonderful Life' gag, and show me what my life would be like, if I'd chosen differently? How about if I'd hooked up with Chakotay, back when he was making me offers in Season 3 and 4. Can you show me what that would look like, if I'd said yes?"

"Oh, I could show you." Lady Q said. "But you might not like the results."

"Try me."

Lady Q shrugged, and snapped both sets of fingers.

With a silver flash, they left the mess hall…


	2. Commands of the Heart

**A/N: I don't own "Star Trek: Voyager."**

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"Shields at 17% and failing!" Tuvok bellowed.

Janeway and Lady Q stood on Voyager's bridge, surrounded by smoke and blaring alarms. Janeway watched her counterpart barking orders from her chair, Chakotay next to her typing furiously at his panel. On the viewscreen, a Borg armada was on a collision course. So far, nothing out of the ordinary.

Harry Kim exclaimed, "They're closing in!" He looked at his captain hopelessly. "We've got no escape Captain. It's over."

Janeway and Chakotay exchanged a long look.

"Kathryn," Chakotay said, "Sweetheart,"

The Janeway watching shook her head. "_Sweetheart_?"

The Janeway in the captain's seat was looking up at her first officer with a dewy eyed expression that Janeway had always been embarrassed to see in family photos and recordings. She reached over to take Chakotay's hand, and the watching Janeway saw a diamond the size of a marble glisten on her hand. Kessler's.

"My heart's desire," Chakotay said, ignoring the torpedoes slamming into the ship, "I just want you to know, how glad I am that you married me." Janeway's counterpart was a lot more taken by his speech than the Janeway watching was. "It was all worth it—the war with the Cardassians, having my worlds stolen, having my father killed, the crap Academy years, that frycook job, middle school, all of it was leading me to this destiny, to be by your side, at this moment."

"_We are the Borg. You will be assimilated_."

Janeway and Chakotay looked at the viewscreen in horror, and huddled closely.

"_Resistance is futile_."

"Ooooh yeeeah?" a young girl's voice challenged.

Janeway was afraid to look. "Who…is that?"

Lady Q just gave her a sly look.

Janeway forced herself to turn and look at the turbo lift, where a teenage girl was stepping off. The girl had Janeway's blue eyes and brown hair, with a tattoo identical to Chakotay's above her eye, and…_Borg implants_…on her cheek and hand? And what was with her wardrobe? The girl wore a blue catsuit like Seven's, with a Klingon sash over it, and a belt equipped with a Klingon dagger. Around her throat and wrists were black leather bands with metal spikes.

Janeway's counterpart and Chakotay looked up at the girl.

"Matilda!" Janeway exclaimed. "Darling, I've told you, you can't be on the bridge! You're too young! You can't handle the pressure!"

"That's what _you_ think Mom. But I've been secretly practicing captaining the bridge on the holodeck. Plus, I've been learning a lot of fighting skills, since Auntie B'Elanna invited me to join her Klingon house. And besides, ever since I was partially assimilated as a baby, and now possess a bank of Borg knowledge as vast as Seven of Nine's, who is a great mentor by the way, I have the experience of _millions_ of Federation captains in my brain. So I think if someone can save this ship it'll be me." Matilda gave her hair a shake, then glanced over her shoulder at Harry Kim. "Hi Harry."

Harry turned beat red, and waved hello.

"_State your designation_!" the Collective demanded.

"Matilda Chakotaya Ebony Janeway!"

"_You will be assimilated_."

"Actually…" Matilda rushed to Tuvok's station and began typing furiously. "I think it's _you_ who are being assimilated!"

A blast shot from voyager, obliterating the lead cube. The others quickly followed.

Seven of Nine rushed to Tuvok's station, and together, she and the Vulcan awed at the results.

"She is infecting the Collective," Seven marveled. "With a specially designed pathogen!"

"Ingenious!" Tuvok agreed.

"If I do say so myself!" Matilda put her hands on her hips.

Chakotay smiled at Janeway. "She's beautiful and brilliant, just like her moth—"

"ENOUGH ALREADY!" the real Janeway threw her hands up, startling everyone on the bridge. "I'm done with this one! My god, the lizard babies were better than this."

Lady Q snapped her fingers, and the bridge vanished in a flash of silver.


	3. The Threshold of Love

**A/N: "Voyager" not mine and such.**

* * *

Janeway's ankles were wet.

The entire place felt wet. The trees, the ground, the rocks, the reptilian animals crawling and lounging about...

"Are we in a swamp?"

"Would seem so." Lady Q ducked casually to allow a pterodactyl-like alien to fly past.

"Wait a minute, is this…is this the planet where…"

An orange lizard emerged from the swampy waters, followed by a second.

"Oh no," Janeway shook her head.

A second lizard followed.

"_No_…"

And finally, three smaller ones.

"_DID_ _I SAY I WANTED TO BE REMINDED OF MY LIZARD SEX WITH PARIS_?"

"Well, you said something about the lizard children,"

"_SARCASM_! LOOK IT UP!" Janeway groaned, grabbing her forehead. "_Lizards_. So what now, there's a timeline where I stayed here with Paris, and raised our lizard children?"

"And grandchildren," Lady Q smiled. "And great-grandchildren, and great-great grandchildren…" Lady Q gestured to the lizard family. "That's not you and the Helm Boy. Those are just some of your descendents." She jerked her head. "Let's see where they go."

Janeway sighed. "What've I got to lose."

She and Lady Q followed the salamander family through the swamp. It was a really boring journey, since the lizards moved about as slowly as they looked. As their journey progressed, Janeway began to see more and more lizards here and there, crawling through the underbrush or lounging on tree branches.

The lizards led them to what Janeway at first took to be a cave. But coming closer, she saw it was manmade. It looked like an Aztec pyramid, built from gray rock, stretching high above the swamp. She and Lady Q made their way up the pyramid stairs, past statues of salamanders, humanoids, and planets. Lizards were everywhere, all over the steps and statues, and Janeway stepped on more than one tail (twice on accident, the last time out of spite).

Janeway was startled to see another humanoid sprint up the steps past herself and Lady Q. It looked like someone native to the swamp, with his gray-green skin and long white hair. From his head poked two long curled antennae, that gave the impression of a swam-dwelling insect. He wore nothing but a necklace of lake shells and a white loin cloth, which was very unfortunate, since he was also old enough to be a great-grandpa. In his gnarled green hands he held a clay pot filled with fruits. As soon as he was past them, Janeway turned to Lady Q.

"There are people on this planet?"

"Why not?" Lady Q shrugged. "You and Tom didn't exactly have time to explore the whole globe, did you?"

Janeway watched as three more such humanoids hurried by, all in loincloths, and in the women's case, bikinis. (Funny, she thought, how 90% of the species in the galaxy not only looked so similar, but also had the same ideas about modesty as North American and European humans.)

"Okay," Janeway stopped to catch her breath, not even one fourth of the way up the pyramid. "I don't think I have quite enough coffee to conquer this mountain."

"Guppy."

Lady Q snapped her fingers, and they were at the top.

The gray pyramid was topped with a sort of stone gazebo. The pillars holding up the roof were shaped like salamanders standing on their hind legs, holding it up with their front ones. The roof itself looked like another massive lizard, simply snoozing. Within the gazebo, on a pile of fine cushions, sat two very familiar looking lizards. Janeway and Tom Paris stared impassively as natives left offerings around their gazebo.

"Great She-Lizard," a female native approached with a bowl. "I bring to you an offering of my finest cocoa beans. May it provide the energy you require to keep our great lizard population blooming."

"Okay." Janeway rubbed her temple. "Educate me Miss Q. Why do Tom and I rule this planet again?"

Lady Q shrugged. "Same reason cows get the right of way in India. Lizards are sacred to these people. And they figured out that you and Tom were the first two here."

"Oh, sure. That makes sense."

"And now," the native woman's voice echoed through the temple, "Great She-Lizard, and Brave He-Lizard, I beg of you, show me my brother!"

The lizards suddenly lifted their heads and opened their mouths, and an odd sound came out. The only thing Janeway could compare it to was a baritone opera singer being asked by a doctor to "say aaah." The noise was bad enough with two lizards. But the smaller lizards lazing around the temple joined in, and the chorus echoed through the swamp.

"Why do I feel like I've heard this god-awful singing before somewhere?" Janeway mused.

Lady Q shrugged. "Maybe you saw it in a movie or something."

As the lizards sang, a small mist began to form over a bowl of water that Janway hadn't noticed sitting in front of the two lead lizards. The native woman peered inside, and seemed pleased with what she saw.

"My brother is alive! He's a war hero! Oh thank you my gods, thank you!"

Janeway's jaw dropped. "_I can see the future_?"

"Not the future," Lady Q corrected. "Just things happening miles and miles—"

Janeway rushed to the front of the line, shoving the green-skinned native at the front out of her way.

"Mr. Paris!" Janeway put her hands on her hips. "And…Other Captain Janeway. I have a request. And seeing as I came from a lot farther away than the rest of these good people, I think I should get first dibs."

Her counterpart stared at her, unimpressed. The Paris lizard looked between her and his mate, and Janeway could've sworn she saw his wide lizard mouth turn up into a perverse smile, as if hoping for a three-way. Since it was Paris, Janeway wasn't fazed.

"What I want to—" Janeway suddenly remembered the offering ritual. She yanked her com badge off her chest. "To offer you, is a reminder of home." She set the com badge between the two unimpressed lizards. "And now, if it pleases you, I'd like to see how my crew is fairing in this universe, without me and Mr. Paris."

The lizards opened their mouths, and the awful singing commenced.

("The Dark Crystal," Janeway realized. That was what the lizard singing reminded her of.)

Janeway knelt down besides the misty bowl of water. An image was forming, yes. Voyager, flying through space. The scene changed to the bridge, where Chakotay and Tuvok sat in the command chairs. It was all surrounded by a foggy haze, like a dream sequence from a corny television show.

"All systems are operational, Captain." Tuvok, in a red uniform, informed Chakotay.

"Excellent." Chakotay replied.

"Captain," Neelix said timidly.

To Janeway's horror, Neelix was wearing a gold security uniform, and standing at Tuvok's old station.

"Who the hell put the hedgehog in charge of security?" Janeway hissed.

"You did," Lady Q said, "In the 'Year of Hell' timeline you don't remember. Both of them."

"What?"

"Captain" Neelix stammered, "I, I really think we should try and rescue Captain Janeway and Mr. Paris."

"No screw it, it's too late." Chakotay said in that solemn monotone voice of his. "They could be anywhere in the universe after that Warp 10 journey. The odds of them even being in the same galaxy as us is astronomical. We must continue onward towards home, and allow life to go on. Isn't that right Harry."

From his station, Harry Kim nodded. "B'Elanna and I both miss Tom, but we've found ways to cope—oh no. It's 0500! I'm late for our date!"

Janeway sighed. "_Really_?"

Lady Q glanced at her. "What would you prefer, B'Elanna and Chakotay? I can show you _that_ universe if you'd like,"

"NO!"

B'Elanna stormed out of the turbo lift, looking even more irritated than usual. "Starfleet! Where the hell have you been? We're supposed to try out that Day of Mates program you helped me design! The pain sticks are heating up!"

"B-But B'Elanna, I've got wor—"

B'Elanna seized Harry by the collar and dragged him into the turbo lift, while Chakotay watched, looking amused. His amusement dropped into a sigh.

"Sometimes Tuvok, I really do miss the captain…and strangely, even Tom!"

"They were close friends." Tuvok agreed. "But fortunately we have managed to form new bonds on this journey without them."

"Sir!" Neelix exclaimed suddenly. "Borg vessels, from every direction! And…they're hailing us!"

Chakotay shifted in his chair, horror sweeping his face. "Onscreen!"

Janeway should not have been surprised to see Seven of Nine, in full Borg Drone getup, on the viewscreen.

"I am the new Borg Queen." Seven declared. "I have dismantled my old ruler and taken her place. I now offer you primates the choice of joining us willingly, or being assimilated by force."

"Evasive maneuvers!" Chakotay exclaimed.

At the helm, little Naomi Wildman yelled, "Aye Sir!"

The child took Voyager on a roller coaster of a ride through space, weaving through Borg cubes and dodging Borg blasts.

"They'll never make it!" Janeway exclaimed to Lady Q. "Not without Paris's piloting skills and my harebrained schemes!"

"I think you should have a little more faith in your crew, Captain." Lady Q said with amusement.

In the bowl-vision, Tuvok turned to Chakotay. "We are at a disadvantage, Captain."

"Seems so." Chakotay hit his com badge. "Bridge to Torres. How'd you like to test that bomb you and your dweeb boyfriend have been working on for the last month?"

From the other end of the com, Harry Kim's whimpering scream echoed, amidst the steaming sound of a pain stick. Janeway cringed.

"Why not!" B'Elanna replied. "It's ready now. Beam it over to the lead cube!"

"Seven!" Janeway gasped, but the visions of course couldn't hear.

The viewscreen was taken up by a blue light, as B'Elanna's bomb wiped out the entire Borg armada.

Over the sounds of the crew cheering, B'Elanna's voice came through the com again. "It's amazing what I can get done without those stupid Starfleet regulations getting in my way. I like having a captain who's willing to bend the rules!"

In the captain's chair, Chakotay laughed. Next to him, Tuvok turned to face his captain, his eyebrow turning up in Vulcan amusement. The two men stopped, Tuvok's eyebrow dropping back down, and Chakotay's laughter vanishing. Chakotay blinked at Tuvok. Tuvok lowered his eyelids, as if anticipating something. Chakotay's eyes darted around the Vulcan's face. Then, slowly, he began to lean inward. Tuvok likewise moved towards Chakotay, his lips slowly parting. Chakotay tilted his head, ready for the kiss…

Janeway shot up and turned away from the bowl. "I'm done with this timeline!"

"Alright." Lady Q shrugged. "Who do you wanna try out next? My former husband?"

"Why the hell not!" Janeway threw up her arms. "Show me what my life would be like if I'd accepted Q's offer to become his mate!"

Lady Q snapped her fingers.


	4. Crimes of Passion

**A/N: I don't own "Voyager," or any of the other shows this chapter makes references to.**

* * *

Lady Q and Janeway reappeared in the trashiest looking apartment Janeway had ever seen. It reminded her of one of those studios in New York, with the concrete floor and the slanted wall of windows, where you felt you were standing inside a giant trapezoid. Janeway knew some people who'd consider it cool and "artsy" looking, but she wasn't one of them. Clothes and unwashed dishes sat everywhere. It was nighttime, judging by the stars in the window. Actually, the sky was so clear one would almost thing they were in outer—

"Q!" Janeway heard her own voice bellow. "_IS THAT YOU?_"

Janeway's counterpart was sitting on the torn sofa, eating coffee flavored ice cream out of the container, and wearing a horrible red jogging suit.

Janeway and Lady Q exchanged a glance.

"No," Lady Q explained. "We're just visitors from another universe."

Jogging-suit Janeway gave them both a look, and groaned. "That pig is cheating on me, don't think I don't know it!"

"If you say so." The "real" Janeway sighed.

A silver flash filled the room, and Q—_the_ Q—appeared.

"Kathy darling!" Q spread his arms, as if expecting his wife to hug him. "I'm so sorry I'm late. I had a meeting at the Continuum that ran over schedule, and then I stopped by the UWQ to drop off the socks Junior forgot to bring to school with him—"

"It's summer break you idiot." Jogging-Suit snapped. "Junior is at a sleepover. Nice try!" She shot up from the sofa and stomped over to her husband, shaking her ice cream spoon at him accusingly. "You weren't at any meeting either! You were with that Ocampan skank! I'm not gonna blame Kes, that dumb bitch is only five years old. But you're at least a few billion years old, what the hell's your excuse?!"

Q pursed his lips in a pathetic attempt at puppy-dog-eyes. "Oh Kathy please forgive me! You know I can't control my urges. I'm a Q! We can't help it! Oh I may stray from you from time to time, but I'm always back to—"

The shrill blast of an old-fashioned telephone interrupted Q.

"One moment, that's probably for me." Q rushed to answer the phone. It was one of those old 1920s antique telephones, where you had to hold the mouth and ear piece separately. Instead of saying "Hello," he answered it with, "_I told you not to call me at home_!"

Tucking back into her ice cream, Janeway grumbled, "If it's Kes, tell her she can do better!"

"_Shh_!" Q hissed. "What was that?" The muffled voice on the other end did not sound like Kes. "What do you mean the Prophets are ending the alliance? My men delivered that—" he glanced nervously at his wife. "—that 'soda and water' last Friday, just as Big Benny requested! What's he threatening to make people 'disappear' for?" More muffled screaming from the other line. "What was I supposed to do, just sit there and let an entire squad of Continuum Police Force cars catch us with seven crates full of Spice?! It was either we take a back road or we dump it all in the river and lose 75 grand! What would you've done?"

The real Janeway shook her head at Lady Q. "I don't watch these Mafia dramas. I have no idea what's going on."

"Of course you don't." Lady Q said. "I didn't either. The wives are never supposed to know. It's the tradition. The mob is men's business. You wanna know the _real_ reason I divorced him? Well," she gestured to Q, now yelling into the phone. "I'd suspected for years, but after Q and some of his buddies made a Prophet lawyer 'disappear' and it was all over the Advanced Energy Beings of the Universe news, I decided enough was enough, and started looking for someone who can actually make an honest living."

"So you're telling me that the Q, the Wormhole Aliens, and all the other super-advanced energy aliens Starfleet's encountered…have mafias?"

"Why not? Every other society has its organized crime. Besides, haven't you ever wondered why you lower beings keep running into unruly aliens like Q, who seem outcast from their society, and don't have an honest job to keep them busy? Well, there's a reason no one wants them around. They're _crooks_."

"Suddenly it all makes sense."

The other Janeway called over from the couch, "So much for Junior bringing balance to the Continuum! _That_ turned out just peachy keen. The only thing his human DNA did was make it impossible for him to learn how to snap his fingers. He's eighteen and he has to have his father haul him around like cattle, or take the Continuum bus." She snorted, and stabbed her spoon back into her ice cream.

"But did Q keep his word, and send Voyager home?" Janeway asked her counterpart. "Like he promised, if I had his child?"

"Oh he did." Janeway nodded. "Voyager got home just in time for the Dominion War. Only one member of my old Voyager senior staff's still alive now." She gave her horrified counterpart an ironic, wearied look. "_Harry Kim_."

"Probably because he always manages to find some way to come back from the dead," the real Janeway muttered. "So," she asked Lady Q. "I guess Seven's still a drone in this universe, too?"

"A drone of very high standing," Lady Q said encouragingly. "You might be proud of her."

"Oh really."

Q slammed the receiver of his phone down and hurried back to his wife. "Kathy, dearest, I'm just going to have a few friends over, just some guys from I know from the neighborhood."

"I don't want you conducting your filthy blood money business in this house!" Janeway said hoarsely. "It already makes me sick, thinking of all the aliens you've murdered and planets you've obliterated…"

"Oh look in the mirror hypocrite." Q snarled. "You don't seem too cut up about it when my 'blood money' buys you a new dress or—" the doorbell chimed. "Oh I'll get that!"

Q answered the door, and some older Q dressed in a pinstriped suit and a fedora stepped in. Who should follow the man, but Benjamin Sisko, dressed very similarly, with large round glasses to match.

"What's the captain of DS9 doing here?" The real Janeway whispered to Lady Q.

"Oh, maybe you missed the news." Lady Q whispered back. "He left the space station to live in the Wormhole with the Prophets, and evolved into a super intelligent being. Oops, was that a spoiler?"

More of Q's "associates" entered the apartment. Kes strode in, with the short silver hair and long robes she'd sported that time she'd paid Voyager an unfriendly visit a year ago.

Then came a pompous looking man with wavy brown hair and muttonchops, dressed in an elegant blue frock coat trimmed with gold leafy designs, over a ruffled white blouse.

"I know who that is," Janeway whispered. "That's Trelane! Captain Kirk encountered him on the planet Gothos in 2267! And if memory serves, he's a cosmic mama's boy."

"I heard that." Terlane snapped, taking a seat on the sofa next to jogging-suit Janeway.

Another familiar face entered the apartment. Guinan, the famous bartender from Picard's Enterprise. She appeared to be a black human woman with long dreadlocks, wearing colorful robes and outrageous disc-shaped hats, but she was known for being an alien almost as powerful as Q.

The last two people to enter were the Borg Queen, and Seven of Nine—a full Borg drone.

Trelane snorted at the Borg Queen. "You always bring the kiddies to a meeting?"

Seven looked ready to punch Trelane, but the Queen held her back. "Seven! We're business women!" Turning back to Trelane, she coolly replied, "Seven happens to be my second in command now. She might even take over the family beeswax after I'm gone."

Trelane grumbled, "What happened to this being a _man's_ beeswax, huh?"

"Enough chit chat!" Ben Sisko said, lighting up a cigar. "What _I_ wanna know is, why was my stock five centuries late, _and_ two crates short on what we agreed?"

"Don't ask me," Q whined. "Ask _Trelane_ why he wouldn't grant a friend permission to cut through his territory!"

"I told you," Trelane glared at Q. "My ma and pop are on the right side of the law, and if they see a carload of Q gangsters cutting through their lawn, they'll get suspicious and call the feds!"

Guinan spoke while pouring everyone a drink. "You couldn't get the parents out of the house for one night so Q could cut through your planet? As them to take you to a movie or something?"

Seven of Nine added, "You no doubt could've distracted them with one of your piano concerts."

Kes began to giggle, much to Trelane's rage.

"You think that's funny, Tinkerbelle? You're lucky any of us even consider doing business with a back-stabbing broad like you!"

"Um excuse me," Kes shot Trelane a condescending look. "Who was it that left home at age _one_ to explore the universe, and evolved into a super intelligent being by age four? And who is it that still lives with his mother at age seven billion and a half?"

Sisko bellowed, "Niggas, we're gettin' off the subject!"

Guinan nodded in agreement. "What we need to do is discuss how to mend the wounds in our friendships."

"What we need ta do," Trelane pointed at Guinan, "Is discuss why the heck any of us are doing business with a race of cheapskates in stupid hats who ain't welcome anywhere in the galaxy!"

"Why you racist little," Guinan lunged at Trelane, and the brawl finally broke out.

Lady Q and both Janeways watched unimpressed, as the various aliens began punching each other, slashing with pocket knives, and swinging at each other with pieces of furniture.

While the brawl went on, the apartment doors opened, and Q Junior stepped in. He looked just as he had when Janeway had met him in real life, but his eyes were a brighter blue—Janeway's—and he wore a green "Irish Pride!" T-shirt. A backpack was slung over his shoulder, and his blue eyes sparkled behind large hipster glasses. His legs were in skinny jeans, finished with green high-toped sneakers.

"Sorry I'm late Mom," Q Junior said to the Janeway on the couch. "I missed the bus, so I had to hitch a ride from Q. But then she got a call from Q, who said his stepmom was coming over and he wanted to get away, so we had to make a stop to pick him up, and then we figured since us three were together, why not see if we could find Q and Q and go get coffee at Perkin's. But you know who we ran into there? Q! And you know who was with him?"

"Junior, I don't care," his mother grumbled, ducking as Kes tossed Trelane over the sofa.

"Okay," the real Janeway turned to Lady Q. "You've seen one mob brawl you've seen 'em all. Let's go home."

"Home?" Lady Q frowned. "Already? Don't you want to know what would happen if you chose Seven of Nine?"

Janeway's eyebrows went up. "I'd almost forgotten about _that_ option…Okay girlfriend. Let's see if my life would be any easier as a lesbian."

Grinning, Lady Q raised her fingers.

_**FLASH! **_


End file.
